ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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