Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
