I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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