were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Let's paint friendship bongs
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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