i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
