What did we do last night that was yellow?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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