please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
