hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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