All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
