i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
