I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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