Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm having to shit out rocks
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