Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
