Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
