Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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