so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
