i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
