but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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