i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
