he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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