We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
