I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
