So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
