All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
