Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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