Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
