I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
