"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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