I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize