You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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