Do you still have your period?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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