So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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