I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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