my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
