If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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