did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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