I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
