I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
