Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
