His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
