Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
