she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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