she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
