Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
