so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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