drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
