i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
