im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
