I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
