he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
