did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
