he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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