chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
